Once I was having lunch at Soup or Salad with a friend, and the conversation turned to Wakaba. I said that it was almost like we had the same needs. She started to say how maybe that wasn't healthy. I explained it further. It was like -- without ever officially saying it -- Wakaba and I had chosen to approach life as a team. What the world threw at one of us, it threw at both of us. I gave my friend some specific examples. When Wakaba forgot her lunch, that became my problem too -- I'd run to the Circle K near her job to get some snacks to bring to her. When I had family drama with my brother and being so far away and completely helpless, that became Wakaba's problem as much as mine -- well, mostly just to talk to me and tell me it was okay to pass him and my older cousin on the way to the bathroom and stop hiding. I can't quite explain it. With her on the other end of the phone line, it was okay to stop hiding. Forum disputes, practical difficulties both big and small, mutual friends' life issues, heck, even pets ... we didn't face anything as "I" but as "we" when Wakaba was still in my life. I'll never forget my friend's response. She gave me one of those gentle penetrating looks she was so good at and said, "that's love -- that's family."
Somehow, that makes it a little more permissible to miss Wakaba as desperately as I do. Not easier, but at least I'm not doing anything wrong.
Go fulfill your dreams, my friend. I really hope you're okay. And that we see each other again one day.
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